Second Chances
by ticketgirl95
Summary: Edward and Bella have been best friends since grade school.This is the story of how their unlikely bond grew during countless hours spent in a meadow. The story of how a shy awkward boy and an abused troubled girl shape each others lives and eventually find peace in each others arms.
1. Prologue

Second Chances

Prologue

* * *

"Hey, it's me," the voice on the other line says softly.

As I hold the phone receiver to my ear, I sit up and glance at the alarm clock. 3:32 am. I let out a groan. I had only just gotten to sleep a little more than an hour ago, having spent the majority of my day and night on an airplane flying to Sydney from Chicago and back again.

I slump back down into my pillow and close my eyes, bringing my fingers up to pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Do you realize what time it is, Bella?" I ask her. The aggravation apparent in my tone.

"Yeah, I know it's late. I'm really sorry, Edward, but I need your help," she says. Her voice is barely above a whisper but I can hear a slight tone of fear there.

"Why are you whispering, Love?" I question, all aggravation gone, replaced with sudden concern. I sit up and begin mentally preparing myself for the worst case scenario.

She hesitates before answering.

"I'm in a bit of a bind. I came to this party and there are some pretty intense people here. I'm a little scared and a lot wasted. I was hoping you would come and rescue me?" she says pleadingly.

A sigh escapes my lips as I realize this call is like all the others before it.

"And I suppose a cab is out of the question, huh?" I ask her.

She huffs into the receiver. She knew before she even finished dialing the number what my answer would be. She knows that I will always be here waiting to swoop in on my white horse to rescue her on a moment's notice.

I hear a commotion on the other end and a loud banging sound.

"Bella, what's going on?" I ask her, my fear returning.

"It's nothing. I think I'm tying up the bathroom is all. Listen Edward, I really need a friend tonight and this party is getting out of control. Please say you'll come." She requests of me one last time.

"Give me the address," I relent.

I hang up the phone and grab the jogging pants strewn over the arm of the chair in the corner of the bedroom. I don't bother with a shirt or shoes. I ignore the fact that I probably need a hair brush, opting instead to just run my fingers quickly through my messy hair. I rush into the foyer, grab my keys and wallet, and head out the door to the elevator.

As I head towards the motel Bella has directed me to, I begin contemplating how I got to where I am now – driving much too quickly, down a rain soaked road in the early morning hours, half naked, and groggy from lack of sleep.

I have known Bella my whole life. We grew up together in Forks, WA. Ours was an unlikely friendship even then.

I was the son of the town doctor and had money. She was the daughter of the town drunk and had nothing. But somehow we found our way into each other's lives.

Despite her home life, Bella had always so full of energy that it was sometimes exhausting just carrying on a conversation with her. To everyone around her, she appeared to be a happy kid. Of course, I knew the real Bella. The Bella that was nothing more than a broken girl, an empty shell that felt unworthy of love.

As a child, I had always been a shy kid. My shyness was so severe it was almost crippling. Moving to a new town in the second grade did not help my condition. I was picked on and bullied relentlessly the first week in the new school. I was miserable until Bella came into my life.

I had been sitting alone on a swing, having just been on the receiving end of the class bully's knockout punch, when Bella first approached me. She had a dirty face, dried snot around her nostrils. Her hair was tangled and matted. Her clothes were worn and faded. She walked up to my swing and placed a tiny finger to my blackening eye.

"We match," she said to me softly, bringing her other hand up to her own face and placing a finger to her left eye where the remnants of a blackened eye were just beginning to fade.

In that brief moment, I knew I loved her. She was an angel, my angel. My life had forever been changed with those few simple words.

She took my hand in hers and sat on the swing next to me. We swung for the remainder of recess with our hands joined in silence. That was all it took.

And that's why I now find myself rushing to save her once more.

I spot the motel's neon sign with the burned out letter "T" from the interstate. I take the next exit and pull into the motel parking lot. I get out of the car and begin making my way across the parking lot and down the concrete walkway towards room 13.

I already know how the next few days will play out. I've been doing this for years now and it is always the same. This rescue will be followed by the happiest few days I can imagine. Bella and I living together like a real couple, minus the sex of course. We will spend our hours retelling the few happy stories of our youth. We will curl up on the couch together watching reruns of her favorite show "Seinfeld". Her laughter will fill the air in my cold, lifeless apartment and I will bask in the sound of it. We will hold each other close as often as possible, never letting the bad memories of the past and present invade our space. We will create our own little bubble, allowing ourselves just a brief moment of happiness.

When we have run out of the few happy stories of our youth, she will make empty promises of straightening her life out. She will inquire if I have an entry level position within my company so she can begin steady work. I will tell her about the secretary position that just opened up and then go to work the next day and create a position just for her. I will return home to give her the good news that the job is hers.

But I will find the apartment empty. She will be gone, having taken with her various valuable objects that she can pawn for a few bucks - objects I purposefully leave out for her to take. I will hear from her again in a month or two and the cycle will start all over again.

I know mine is a pathetic existence. I know that I should have cut her from my life years ago. But I can't. I hold out hope for her. I keep hoping with each late night phone call that this will be it and she will have hit the proverbial rock bottom. I continue hoping for the day when she will finally realize that she deserves better than this life she has chosen. I hope that she will overcome the years of abuse inflicted by her father and see that she is worthy of love.

Worthy of my love.

And fuck, do I love her! I admit it. I continue holding on because I hope one day she will return my love.

Some may look at me and accuse me of wasting my life pining for this woman that appears on the surface incapable of love. But they don't know my Bella. They don't know what we have endured together. They will never understand how much I owe her.

I can honestly say that everything I have now I owe to that little girl with the snotty nose who held my hand on the playground that day so many years ago.


	2. Perfectly Handsome Boy

Chapter 1 – 6th Grade

Perfectly Handsome Boy

* * *

"OH MY GOD! What have they done to you?" she shouted as she leaned against my locker.

I threw my books in the locker with a sigh. I was worried about what she would think of them. She had always said I looked "perfectly handsome" to her. Now I looked hideous. I tossed and turned all night thinking this would be what would finally drive her away. I never understood why she hung out with me in the first place.

Bella reached over and grabbed my lips pulling them apart to look at the offending metal my parents had installed yesterday.

"Ouch, Bella! That hurts!" I yelled at her while I slapped her hands away.

She just stood there gaping at me, making me even more self-conscious of my new braces -if that was even possible. She had a look of disgust on her face. I closed my locker door and turned towards her. I took a big gulp and began speaking.

"I'll understand if you don't want to hang out any more." I told her.

She burst out laughing.

"Are you nuts, Cullen? It's gonna take a lot more than your face looking like the grill of a big ol' Chrysler to get rid of me." She said with a roll of her eyes.

She grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards the south exit.

"My class is the other way," I told her.

"Not today. Today, class has been moved to the woods behind the school." she said as she continued to drag me dawn the hall and through the door.

We looked around the corner of the building and made sure the coast was clear.

"Are you ready?" she whispered to me.

I nodded.

We broke out in a full sprint towards the woods behind the school. We didn't stop until we were fully hidden in the lush green ferns and furs of the Pacific Northwest. I chanced a peek back at the school through a narrow opening in the thick undergrowth.

"Do you think anyone saw?" I asked her.

When she didn't answer right away I turned to find her standing by a tree. She was removing her sweater and tying it around her waist. It was 84 degrees outside. Much too warm for the long sleeved sweater she had donned that morning.

I knew what the sweater meant, its purpose being to conceal. She may be able to hide them from teachers but she could never hide them from me. I began scanning her bare arms for the bruises I knew I would find there.

She turned to me and said "So you coming or what, metal-mouth?"

She started up the familiar path and I followed her.

That's the way it was. I was always following Bella. I didn't have any other friends. I don't think she did either although she would never admit it. We were the outsiders.

As we made our way up the steep hill, the trees and bushes started to thin. We made our way up the path for another 10 minutes and finally reached our destination. We stepped out into our meadow together.

This was our hideout, our sanctuary. I knew bringing me here was her way of trying to cheer me up about the braces. But I knew it was also her escape from her own problems. Problems that were much more serious than a crooked tooth.

It was a simple, circular clearing deep in the woods. The surrounding trees providing a barrier from outside world. This time of year it was covered with blue, yellow, and white wildflowers. Those flowers would soon disappear when summer started in two weeks. Then it would become a lush carpet of green grasses.

This is where we spent countless hours, telling each other our hopes and dreams, planning our next practical joke, or just simply laying on the ground trying to forget our shitty lives.

We plopped down in the middle of the field. We both laid back on the ground with our hands behind our heads and stared up at the sky.

We stayed like that for a while, not talking. Enjoying the silence. Of course, it was Bella who finally broke that silence.

"I mean, I just don't get it. Why'd they go and put braces on you? You were my perfectly handsome boy. There wasn't a goddamned thing wrong with your teeth." She complained, sounding completely perplexed by the idea that I was anything less than perfect in the eyes of others.

My parents were always trying to make me into something I wasn't. I always felt like a disappointment to them. They complained about everything from my thick, unruly hair, to my single crooked tooth. I was never good enough in their eyes. There were never praises given in my house. I could bring home an A- in math and my dad would give me an hour lecture on why it should be an A+.

My father's biggest complaint was my friendship with Bella. In fact, I shouldn't technically be with her right now. After last week's practical joke where we caused Old Lady Baxter to nearly have a coronary after we strung a rubber snake above her front door, he had forbidden me to ever see Bella again.

I hated him. I hated my mother for always taking his side. Maybe I should feel lucky though. Other kids had it worse than I did.

I looked over at Bella and finally caught sight the fresh bruises showing from beneath her t-shirt sleeve as her arms were stretched upwards.

"Did it hurt," I asked her quietly.

Bella just laid there for a minute staring up at the sky. She appeared to be in deep thought, seemingly ignoring my question.

I watched her, mesmerized as the sun shone down on her beautiful face causing her pale skin to seemingly glow. I wanted so much to reach out with my hand and stroke her cheek.

Over the last month, my feelings for Bella had shifted somehow. It was difficult to describe. I always saw her as my best friend and loved her more than life itself. But it had become different, my feelings for her becoming more physical in nature. When I looked at her, touched her, listened to her voice, I would become short of breath, my chest constricted, sweat beaded on my skin. It was strange, something I had never experienced before. When I was with her, I found myself needing to touch her, to feel her skin, even if just simply holding her hand.

I reached out and pulled her hand from behind her head and brought it to my chest, locking her fingers in mine. She turned towards me smiling. Excitement dancing in her eyes.

"Edward, let's run away. Let's pack a bag and hitchhike to California." She blurted out.

My eyes grew wide as I realized she was serious.

"Are you crazy!" I exclaimed. "We can't, Bella."

Her smile faded at my words, clearly disappointed with my response. That was the way we worked. I kept her grounded and she kept me sane.

She turned her head back to the sky and closed her eyes. I sighed and turned my head to do the same. After a few minutes, her voice broke through the silence once again only this time it was barely above a whisper.

"Yeah, it hurt." She said quietly.

I looked over at her to see she still had her eyes closed, silent tears escaping from the corners. My heart broke in that moment. I wished more than anything that I could run away with her, make sure no one ever hurt her again, shield her from her father's abuse.

But I was just a kid.

We laid there for the rest of the afternoon. Neither of us speaking, just holding hands.


	3. Attack of Big Boob Brittany

Chapter 2 – 7th grade

Attack of Big Boob Brittany

* * *

It was only the third day of the new school year so I was shocked when Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the school building heading for the woods. We usually didn't start cutting classes until well into the second week of school.

I knew something must have been very wrong. A feeling of dread coursed through my veins as we made our way out of the school, through the woods, and up the hill.

We sat quietly in our meadow for a while. I watched her as she forcefully pulled and ripped grass out of the ground repeatedly, a deep scowl on her face. I knew that look well. She was pissed.

I continued watching her, waiting until she had calmed down enough to speak. It was always best to let her be when she was angry. I assumed she just needed to work it out in her mind before telling me the problem.

I'm ashamed to admit it but I preferred to see her angry. It was much better than the alternative.

Sadness

Throughout the summer most of our time in the meadow had been spent with her crying in my arms. I had wrongfully assumed that the abuse from her father had begun to subside when I didn't notice as many bruises littering her soft skin. But apparently I had been wrong. Some abuse leaves bruises in places not visible to the outside world.

I felt so helpless. All I wanted to do was to make her happy. When she suggested running away, and she suggested it a lot, I wanted to grab her hand and just run, to protect her from whatever he was doing to her. I wanted to keep her safe and vow to her that she would never be sad again.

But I was just a boy. And her father was the monster that appeared in my dreams. He would find us and when he did, he would kill her.

I once thought about telling my parents what was happening to Bella, what he was doing to her. She had always made me promise not to tell anyone but I wanted to protect her.

One day I walked up to my dad as he was cleaning out the garage. I opened my mouth and started to form the words. Then nothing. Silence. I couldn't.

I was a coward.

Instead of doing what I should have done, I opted to just sit in our meadow with my arms wrapped around her as she cried. I wouldn't press her for details. I would remain silent as the sorrow poured out of her. I would hold her and hope that in that simple, insignificant action she would know that I loved her.

And did I ever love her.

Over the past year I had come to the realization that I had fallen in love with Bella. When we were apart, my world darkened. A vast void took over and my heart ached, my body numbed. Everything was dull and pointless without her by my side. I could barely function until we were together again. When we were together, the darkness subsided. My world became alive again, illuminated by her presence.

This summer had been especially brutal as she was rarely able to meet me in our meadow. Her father had lost his job and as a result he was home most days. She was not able to sneak out as often as I would have liked. And when she did manage to evade him, my joy in seeing her was overshadowed by her immense sorrow, her overwhelming pain, and her countless tears.

So I sat there on that third day of the new school year actually happy in the fact that Bella was mad. Mad was good. Mad was one step closer to happy if you asked me. I continued sitting there waiting for her to speak first. I knew she would tell me when she was ready.

"I hate all those stupid, stuck-up bitches!" she finally blurted out.

"What happened?" I asked right on queue.

"Brittany thinks she's so goddamned hot with her huge tits and big bubble butt," she spat.

Of all the possible scenarios I had been going over in my mind, trying to determine what could have made her mad, this was definitely not one of them.

I was uncomfortable with the conversation almost immediately. I had become very much aware of breasts over the summer while hanging out at the lake with my parents. One of my favorite past-times had become watching girls in bikinis walk by. I knew if I shared with Bella just how great I thought boobs were in that moment she would have probably castrated me.

So I stayed silent as she proceeded to tell me the story of how Brittany and her friends had teased Bella in Gym today. They had called her flat-chested and told her she looked like a boy.

"As if I even want to have boobs. I don't even know how they can walk around with those stupid things and not fall over face first," she continued to rant.

She looked over at me expectantly. I wasn't sure what to say or how to respond.

"Umm yeah, they definitely defy gravity," was all I could come up with.

She just laughed and shook her head.

"Cullen, you are such a dork," she said

I guess I had unknowingly said the right thing though. Her temper calmed and we sat there laughing and giggling the remainder of the afternoon. We discussed a variety of things related to boobs, tits, knockers, hooters and the like. We theorized on what would happen if one of them popped. We would occasionally bring our hands up to our chests cupping imaginary boobs to emphasis whatever point we were making at the time.

Eventually we settled down, having run out of tit jokes. Bella laid down looking up to the sky. I laid down next to her and scooped her hand in mine. Holding her hand in mine had become second nature to me.

It was in these silent moments when I would close my eyes and picture our futures together. I would imagine being a doctor and returning home from work to find Bella waiting for me at the door wearing an apron just like the wives did in the old black-and-white reruns they played on Nickelodeon at night.

"Edward, do you think I'm pretty?" she asked softly, bringing me back to reality.

I looked over to see her still staring up at the sky. She had a deep blush on her face and her body had stiffened awaiting my reply.

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to grab her and hold her in my arms. I wanted to confess how much I loved her, how much I needed her. Always.

But I remained still and silent, just holding her hand in mine, hoping somehow she could feel my love in that simple jester.

"You are the most beautiful girl in the entire world, Bella Swan," I finally replied.

She closed her eyes and a smiled. Her body relaxed.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispered.


	4. The Amazing Invisible Boy

Chapter 3 – 8th Grade

The Amazing Invisible Boy

* * *

I sat quietly in the corner of the room watching people come and go. People dressed in black, flitting around, making small talk with each other, commenting on the food that was laid out on our long dining room table. They came and went like waves of black water slowly churning in the beige room.

Occasionally, someone would glance my way with a look of pity in their eyes but never approached or spoke to me. They had all heard of my disposition I am sure. Small towns provided no anonymity. I was the popular doctor's strange, reclusive son who would go into near panic attacks whenever someone spoke to him. So they kept their distance, choosing to ignore the boy sitting in the corner who was clearly in pain so as to avoid making themselves uncomfortable.

I continued watching the crowd, watching as my mother warmly greeted each new arrival. She kissed them on their cheeks, hugged them, smiled brightly at them. Always the perfect hostess. She appeared oblivious to the fact that this was not a celebration. This was not one of her elaborate dinner parties.

This was my grandfather's funeral for fucks sake!

My hands clinched into fists at my sides as I glared at her. All I wanted was for her to come to ME, to wrap her arms around ME, to tell me that it was going to be okay. I wanted her to reassure me that the pain I felt would go away with time. I wanted her to, just for once, block out everyone else and put me first, to notice me, to be my goddamn mom.

She never did though.

I was invisible not only to the people of Forks but also to my own parents. My father had taken over the position as Forks General Hospital's CEO. He worked long hours and was never home anymore. My mother filled her days with charity events and luncheons. When she was home, she spent her time ordering around the decorators and construction workers who were tasked with the chore of turning our home into a show place. Occasionally, I would try to talk to her, share the events of my day with her. "That's nice, Edward," were the only words she had spoken to me in months.

I had come to miss the days when they criticized me relentlessly. I longed for them to berate me about my appearance, my grades, anything. At least then I knew that they were paying attention to me, that they knew I even existed.

There were only two people in the world that acknowledged my existence. Only two people in the world that seemed to care about me, to love me. My grandfather and Bella.

Now one of them was gone.

Tears begin welling up in my eyes as I thought about my grandfather. I had spent so much time with him over the years. He was the one who spent time teaching me the things a father normally taught his son like fishing and hunting. He was an outdoors man and we spent countless hours together on the river or in the woods just talking. He was the only person I could talk to without my stomach knotting up. Words flowed easily from my mouth to his ears. He never judged me, never discounted my feelings. And he always listened.

As I sat there becoming more upset as I reminisced about the precious moments I had shared with my grandfather, I noticed a sudden hush had fallen over the previously noisy room. I looked up to see what had interrupted everyone's conversations.

That's when I saw her.

She was standing in the doorway to our home. I could see her from the entrance to the dining room from where I sat. She was dressed in a black dress with white polka dots that was too big and seemed to swallow her small frame as it hung limply on her shoulders. She had a pair of dirty flip flops on her feet. Her hair was pulled back in a messy, lopsided pony tail. Wayward hairs stuck out from the sides of her head.

Bella had always sworn it would be a cold day in hell before she ever put on a dress. I had never seen her in anything but t-shirts and pants. I knew she despised anything considered girly so the fact that she was standing in my doorway in a dress stunned me.

My mouth fell open and my heart raced as I took in the site of her. I had never gazed upon anything more beautiful in my life. I knew others were staring at her, judging her, turning their noses up at her. They would never see what I saw when I looked at her. They would never see past the outdated, hand-me-down dress or the flip flops to see what I saw in that moment.

My best friend. The girl who had done what none of them could bring themselves to do. She had sacrificed her own discomfort to show me she cared.

They would never be able to comprehend how that simple act made her absolutely stunning to me.

I noticed how nervous Bella looked standing there amongst the people in their perfect outfits with their perfect hair. She appeared small in comparison, biting her lower lip, wringing her hands together. Her head moved back and forth as she stood on her tip toes trying to see over and around the crowd. My breath caught in my chest at the thought that she was searching for me.

Finally her eyes fell on me. Her body appeared to instantly relax and she smiled wide. She began making her way through the crowd, headed towards me. Everyone else in the room disappeared in that moment. The only person I could see was her, my Bella.

As she made her way through the black sea of people, drawing closer to me with each step, my body immediately began feeling that familiar tingling sensation. It was the feeling I always got when I was with her. I stood up from my chair and began taking steps to close the distance between us. A magnetic force seemingly pulled us towards each other.

Our eyes remained locked on each other as we drew closer to one another. I smiled at her knowing everything would be okay now. Bella was here, she had illuminated my darkness once again.

I suddenly realized that the people in this room didn't matter. I could care less if they ever acknowledged my existence. I knew they were probably staring at her in that moment, passing their judgments on her and I pitied them. They would never be lucky enough to know the real Bella, the Bella I knew. They were too ignorant, too consumed with the labels they bestowed upon her to ever take the time to truly see the Bella I saw. To see the girl that held my heart in her hands.

We finally met in the center of the room. She stared at me not with pity in her eyes but with love. She placed her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear that everything will be okay. And I knew that it would. I knew that I didn't need to be acknowledged by my parents or by these people in this room. Their opinions and condolences would mean nothing to me. I didn't care if I remained the invisible boy for the rest of my life where they were concerned. Because Bella was there.

And she could see me.

She pulled away from me grabbing my hands in hers. She smiled and winked at me and started pulling me in the direction she had just come from.

Towards the door, towards our meadow.

* * *

Chapter Notes:

I went back and tweaked the first 3 chapters a bit so you may want to go back and reread them. I just felt it needed a little work as this story originally began with no clear vision on what would happen. I now have a perfectly clear vision of this story in my head. It will not be a long story – quick and to the point. So it was necessary to go back and elaborate on some things. Hope you enjoy.


	5. I Want To Be An Astronaut

Chapter 4 – 9th grade

I Want To Be an Astronaut When I Grow Up

* * *

Shit was intense at home. My fucking family was falling apart. My dad was caught having an affair with a nurse named Tanya and my mom had kicked him out of the house. They were now consumed with a nasty divorce battle in which my mom was attempting to take him for everything he owned.

I sat back and watched them battle it out not giving a damn who got what. It didn't escape my notice that while they were fighting over their possessions not once did they fight over who got me.

I had started skipping school more often, smoking dope, drinking, anything to get them to fucking stop the fighting and take notice of their forgotten son. My plan backfired on me of course. I had done nothing but given them another reason to fight and blame one another for my issues.

The only peace I knew was in those days that I got to spend with my Bella in our meadow. But even that I was managing to fuck up lately. I had grown distant and moody, many times taking my frustration out on her. I found myself snapping at her for no reason. I knew it wasn't fair. I knew I was being a dick towards her.

But Bella never left my side. She put up with my antics and with my short temper. She sat in that meadow patiently listening to me rant, enduring my harsh words, always trying to get me to look to the future. Which I found ironic since she admittedly held out no hope for her own future.

I had shown up in the meadow that day still drunk from the night before. I was disheveled and barely coherent, my head pounding.

Bella was sitting in the middle of the field waiting for me. I walked over to where she sat and plopped down in the grass next to her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a joint and lit it inhaling the smoke and holding it in. I closed my eyes waiting for the effect of the drug to loosen my tense muscles, to sooth my throbbing head.

I opened my eyes to see Bella staring intently at me. I held out the joint in offering. She just sighed and shook her head. I took a few more hits and put it out in the ground. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her down with me and I laid back in the grass. She rested her head on my chest.

We didn't speak. I just laid there enjoying the feel of having her in my arms.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" she finally asked me.

Her question caught me off guard. I was in no mood for a deep conversation.

"Fuck, Bella! I don't know." I said running my hand through my hair. "Does it really fucking matter," I snapped at her.

She lifted her head and looked up at me, resting her chin on my chest. We continued staring at each other for an immeasurable length of time. Shit was getting tense and I didn't want to deal with it right now. I just wanted to lay here and relax with my arms wrapped around my girl.

Only she wasn't my girl. At least not in the way I had always wished she were. After all these years I was still too much of a chicken shit to confess to her how much I loved her.

I didn't deserve her love anyway. I had never protected her, never stood up for her. I sat by silently and watched her suffer and did nothing. I knew deep down inside that I never helped her because to do that would mean to lose her forever. I was disgusting and she deserved someone better than me.

"It matters a great deal you know." she finally said to me.

I sat up suddenly forcing her to push herself off my chest. She silently sat in front of me as I crossed my legs resting my elbows on my knees and placing my face in my hands. I didn't want to deal with this. I was too goddamned tired of my fucked up life.

I sat there with my face hidden for a few minutes not wanting to look her in the eyes. I didn't want to look at her and have to think about what she was going through in her own life. I wanted to selfishly wallow in my own pain and avoid having to admit that there was shit much worse than my parents fucking divorce that I could be dealing with right now.

After a while I felt her hand on my head. She began stroking my hair. I closed my eyes relishing the feel of her fingers gently running through my messy curls. The familiar tingles her touch always caused made my body goose bump. Her touch finally calmed my nerves, alleviated my headache, and relaxed my entire being.

I glanced up at her. I studied her face as I brought my hand up to cup her cheek. I looked into her eyes and saw the ever present pain there, the pain that I had been ignoring for far too long. It always broke my heart to look into those beautiful brown eyes of hers. Her eyes were what told the story of her life. The years of abuse and the years of pain she had endured were hidden behind those eyes.

I realized then that I had been acting like a fool. I had become so consumed with my own angst that I had been ignoring the fact that it did matter to her, it mattered that I was throwing my life away. I was ignoring the fact that she was counting on me to take care of her, that she needed me to be strong and to hold her up. I knew I couldn't give up on life no matter how bad it got because at the end of the day, I knew I had to grow the fuck up and become the man that Bella so desperately deserved.

She smiled at me.

"I guess I want to be a dentist," I finally said halfheartedly, shrugging my shoulders. It was the first thing that came to mind as I remembered the sympathetic dentist that had put braces on me a few years back.

Bella scrunched up her nose apparently not liking my response. I laughed at the face she made.

"What's wrong with being a dentist?" I asked her, my ego slightly wounded.

"Well to be honest, Edward, dentists aren't exactly what I would call sexy," she explained.

We both started laughing. It had been months since I laughed like that with my Bella. I had forgotten how good it felt to just be with her, to allow myself to forget about all the shit in our lives and to just live in the moment. My heart swelled as I listened to her laughter knowing that things were going to be okay now.

My girl had saved me that day.

I grabbed her by the waist and laid back on the soft, damp grass. Her head came to rest on my chest once again. Only it was different this time, the tension and anger that had been consuming me was finally gone. I was able to lay there and enjoy the feel of her body snuggled against mine, to relish in the intimate feel of our position.

I continued rattling off professions to her while she assigned a rating of 1-10 with 10 being the sexiest to each one.

"So what profession rates a perfect 10?" I finally asked her.

"An astronaut of course, silly." She said.

I spent the remainder of the afternoon making a mental check list of everything I would need to do and accomplish in order to become an astronaut.


	6. Goodbye Sweetheart

Chapter 5 – 10th grade

Goodbye Sweetheart

* * *

It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year. I was glad for the break. I had been working my ass off all year trying to bring up my GPA. Freshman year had been a bad year for me and I had nearly failed all my classes and had spent the majority of last summer stuck in summer school trying to repair the damage.

I had been an idiot last year, allowing my anger over my parents' divorce to consume me. I had nearly fucked up everything, including my future with Bella.

I knew it was messed up the way I was planning my future around a girl that had no idea how I truly felt about her. A girl who I could never be certain if she felt the same way about me. But I knew that she needed me now more than ever and I was committed to succeeding.

It was two months ago when Bella turned sixteen. Shortly after her birthday, her father had forced her to drop out of school and to go work. Having been without a steady job for more than two years himself it became necessary for Bella to make money in order to survive. I rarely saw her anymore. She was always working or always having to take care of some household chore her father had demanded of her. I was more determined than ever to make a future for myself and in effect a future for her.

I was living with my mother now, the divorce finally over with. My father had moved to Port Angeles taking Tanya with him. They were in the process of planning a June wedding. My mother of course was devastated in that fact.

My mother and I had started to become closer over time. It was difficult at first as she had no idea how to truly act like a mother. I was made to suffer through many inedible meals for a while as she improved her cooking skills, having never actually cooked a day in her life. I was also forced to wear pink underwear for some time as she became accustomed to doing laundry. But I supported her and encouraged her as often as I could. She was slowly becoming the mother that I had always wished for.

Some may say I forgave my mother much too quickly for the years of neglect but they didn't see the sorrow in her eyes that I saw. She was alone now and I knew that she needed me to hold her up, to help her pick up the pieces of her broken life. The divorce had been hard on me but I knew that my mom had been the one that took it the hardest. She had been betrayed and replaced much too easily.

Love wasn't supposed to work like that.

I had also finally overcome my crippling shyness. Bella leaving school forced me to become my own person and to find my voice. I had spent so many years in her shadow, relying on her to speak up for me, that when she left school I could barely function. I had to adapt quickly and survive. I eventually made a few friends, no one I let in as I had Bella, but friends none the less.

Bella and I still met on occasion in our meadow. Not as often as I would have liked but we still managed somehow to carve out time for each other.

When she wasn't able to meet me in the meadow I would stop by the sporting goods store where she worked. Sometimes stopping by the meadow and picking wildflowers for her. Her eyes would always light up when I walked in caring the scraggly bouquet, telling her I had brought the meadow to her for the day.

I tried in my own way to make her life easier. I knew she would never accept a blatant handout from me so I tried to help her out by purchasing sports equipment I would never use, knowing that she worked on commission. I now had a closet full of unused tennis rackets, water skis, hiking equipment, and other various sporting equipment.

I missed her desperately but I continued with my plans, comforted in the fact that if she ever did decide that she wanted me then I would be waiting for her and I would be able to provide for her and keep her safe.

It was the middle of the summer when my phone rang. It was Bella's voice on the other end when I answered. I hadn't seen her in almost a month. It had been the longest month of my life as I waited patiently for her to finally reach out to me.

"Hi, Edward," she said solemnly.

"Hey, beautiful. I've missed you," I said

"Yeah, it's just been so busy at work. Tis the season for hikers and campers, you know. Listen are you busy tonight?" she asked.

I had plans to drive to Port Angeles to visit my dad but quickly thought of an excuse to give him on why I couldn't make it. I would much rather spend the evening with my girl than having to suffer through a whole weekend filled with that bitch Tanya trying to act like a mother towards me.

"Nope, no plans. You want to do something together?" I asked her, the excitement evident in my voice.

"Can you meet me in the meadow in about an hour? I need to talk to you about something," she said in a flat tone.

A sense of dread rocked through me. We hadn't spent time in the meadow in a very long time and I had resigned myself to only seeing her on occasion while she worked. The meadow meant that whatever she had to say could not be said in public.

An hour later I found myself nervously pacing the perimeter of the meadow waiting for Bella's arrival. The moon was mostly hidden by clouds that night allowing only sparse, occasional beams of light to filter down. In the dark, the meadow was not the warm sanctuary that Bella and I had created for ourselves over the years. In the dark, it was cold and had an ominous feel to it. The meadow had done nothing but increase that sense of dread that I had been feeling since Bella's phone call.

I stopped pacing for a moment to glance at my watch only to become more anxious when I couldn't read the face of it in the darkness. I brought my hand up and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Edward," her quiet voice called from behind me.

I turned and saw a shadow standing near the tree line on the opposite end of the meadow. I knew immediately just from the form that it was Bella. My Bella.

All the anxiety, all the tension, immediately left my body and I began walking towards her. She met me halfway. Standing in the middle of the field, I wrapped my arms around her pulling her to me tightly. We stood like that for a while, just enjoying the feel of being reunited in this way. For a moment, I felt as though the meadow had become my sanctuary once again but suddenly realized that it had never really been the place at all that made me feel safe. It had always been Bella.

I pulled away from her slightly and cupped her cheek with my hand as she tilted her face up to mine. In that moment, the clouds above broke and the moon shined down on us. It illuminated her face, her pale skin seemingly glowed in the light. She had never looked more beautiful to me than in the moment. Bella was my angel and the meadow was my heaven.

After the initial excitement of seeing her, of having her in my arms, of touching her skin, began to wane, I noticed the despair, the overwhelming sadness in her eyes. I had become accustomed to looking into Bella's eyes over the years and seeing the ever-present pain but this was different. This look was infinitely stronger and struck the very core of my being.

Bella reached up and grabbed my hand that had been on her cheek. She wrapped her fingers in mine and brought my hand to her lips, placing a small, gentle kiss on my knuckles. I had spent countless hours over the years imaging what her lips would feel like pressed against my skin. The actual feel of it though was beyond anything I had ever thought it would be. The tingles I always felt when we touched were multiplied tenfold becoming a jolt of actual electrical current that nearly knocked the wind out of me.

A small moan escaped my lips interrupting the precious moment immediately. Bella dropped my hand and took a step away from me turning her back towards me.

I just stood there watching her, waiting for her to speak, as I always have done.

"I'm leaving Forks," she said barely above a whisper.

If I lived to be a hundred years old, if my life continued on for an eternity, I knew I would never forget that night in our meadow. I knew for the remainder of my existence all the regrets that built up over time, all the sorrow I experienced would never compare to that night standing there with her, listening to her explain how she couldn't take living with her father any longer and why she was leaving me.

But most of all, I would spend a lifetime consumed with the regret in knowing that I didn't fight to keep her there. That even in the face of my worst nightmare, I never told her how much I loved her.


	7. Mother Is The Name of God

Chapter 6 – 12th grade

Mother Is The Name of God

* * *

"She's not going to make it," I blurted out in frustration while running my fingers through my hair. I got out of the passage side of the car slamming the door.

"Would you stop worrying Edward. She's on her way. The taxi should be here any minute now. And quit fidgeting, you're driving me crazy! If you keep at your hair like that much longer you're going to go bald you know," my mom said as she shut the car door and walked over to stand next to me.

It had been almost two years since I last saw my angel, my Bella. I remembered standing in our meadow listening to her plans, plans that had never included me. My heart broke that night as I listened to her explain how she had been saving money. Eventually, she was able to buy a bus ticket to Chicago.

She talked about her mom a lot that night. Bella had often talked about her mom over the years. She had made up fantasies of her mom living in Chicago, imagining her married to a wealthy man, just waiting for her long lost daughter to find her. She was convinced that one day she would go to Chicago and find her mom. Finally having her happily-ever-after.

I knew they were just fantasies. I had heard the idle gossip around town about how her mother was an alcoholic like her father, how she had abandoned Bella when she was only three and ran off with a drug addict to Chicago. But I let her have her dreams. Bella had so little hope for the future and I refused to take this one away from her.

I didn't want to let her go that night. I wanted to grab her and hold her in place, never letting go. I wanted to yell and scream at her. I wanted to tell her that I would die without her, guilt her into staying. But I was the only one that knew, the one who had bared witness to the physical and sexual abuse inflicted upon her by her father over the years and I knew that she had to get out. I had watched her slowly dying over the years and I could not be so selfish as to ask her to stay.

Even though I, myself had died a little bit that night.

After bella left, my mom tried everything to console me to no avail. I was miserable. There was a gaping wound in my heart. But my mom never gave up on me. She held me close as I shed my tears. She would whisper words of encouragement. She was the only person I had ever let know how I truly felt about Bella.

Over time I began to function again. I was determined to get to the place I was today, to continue building the future that I had for so long been envisioning. The future that contained Bella.

We had kept in touch after she moved to Chicago. Through our weekly phone calls, I learned how Bella eventually managed to track down her mother.

She found her buried in Rosehill Cemetery.

Bella's mom had died only a few years after leaving Forks. The police records stated she died homeless, having been beaten to death in an alley. No one ever claimed the body. Bella was devastated. I tried to convince her to come home. But she said she couldn't. She said she never wanted to step back in that town again. She wanted to make a fresh start, to stay in Chicago.

I tried not to push her. She assured me with every phone call that she was fine. She had found a job as a waitress and had secured a small one bedroom apartment. I wasn't completely convinced that she was as fine as she made out though. There was always sadness in her voice when she called. I had sat through too many late night calls with her, patiently listening as she cried, to ever be convinced that everything was fine.

And that is why, upon graduating, I was headed off to Loyola University in Chicago.

My mom's phone rang out causing me to jump. I looked over at my mom digging in her purse searching for her phone. I held my breath preparing myself for the worse.

_Bella's not coming,_ I thought to myself.

The phone kept ringing and my mom kept fumbling. I finally lost my cool.

"Answer the damn phone, mom, it might be Bella for Christ's Sakes!" I snapped at her.

She narrowed her eyes and glared at me but said nothing. She finally pulled the phone from her purse but not in time to answer the call.

She stared at her phone for a moment and informed me I could relax, that it was just my father. The phone chimed indicating she had a new voice message. She pressed a few buttons and listened intently to the message. After a moment her face fell. I saw tears welling up in her eyes. She angrily pressed a few buttons and threw the phone back into her purse.

"You father won't be able to make it. Apparently, the baby is sick," she informed me flatly.

Tanya had recently given birth to their first child. My dad quickly forgot about his old family and became consumed with the new one he had created. It had been hard on my mom. I think she still held out hope that one day he would come back to her. I could never fault her for that. I knew what it was like to hold out hoping that the one you loved would someday return to you.

"Fuck him," I said sternly as I placed my arm around her shoulder.

My mom glanced up at me, her smile returning.

"Yeah, fuck him," she said quietly, blushing at her own use of profanity.

Edward!" I heard someone yelled.

I turned around and scanned the crowd. My eyes eventually came to rest on Bella. She was by the curb standing next to a yellow taxi cab, her hands clutching two bags.

When my eyes fell on her, I smiled and started running for her. She dropped her bags, on the ground and sprinted towards me. We quickly cleared the distance between each other. Our bodies collided and I wrapped my arms around her waist to support her as she lifted her legs and wrapped them around my waist.

We just clung to each other. I eventually placed her back down on her feet. She stood staring up at me, her smile wide.

"Still my perfectly handsome boy," she said as she placed her hand on the back of my head and brought my forehead down to rest against hers. I closed my eyes as I absorbed the tingles from her touch.

"I've missed you," I whispered to her.

I stared into her eyes expecting to see the pain I usually saw. But it was nowhere to be found. For the first time since I had known her, Bella's eyes reflected nothing but joy and happiness. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"Come on you two. They're starting soon" I heard my mother's voice say. I looked over Bella's should at my mom who was now holding Bella's bags.

I reluctantly pulled away from Bella. I took the bags from my mother and tossed them into the backseat of our car. Bella then linked her arm through mine and my mother came up and took the other as we made our way back to the gate.

As we walked towards the football field, I thought about how the three of us were all broken in some way. We had all three experienced more pain than any one individual should ever have to go through in this life. I knew the cards were stacked against us. I knew that this moment was nothing more than a happy break from the painful reality of our lives, but I resigned myself to just live in this moment, to live in the here and now.

"I love you guys," I said as I squeezed both of their arms.

As I began walking through the gates of the stadium, I couldn't help but to glance towards the woods behind the school, towards the narrow opening in the brush that led to our meadow.


	8. I Implicitly Love You

Chapter 7 – College Years

I Implicitly Love You

* * *

"What's the difference between implicit and explicit costs?" she asked me.

I groaned out of frustration and started flipping through my economics book looking for the answer. I turned the pages roughly nearly ripping one of them completely out of the book. It was 12:30 in the fucking morning and I was exhausted. I couldn't think straight, the words on the pages had begun to run together. I slammed the book closed and ran my fingers through my hair and groaned again.

We were sitting at a long oak table in the middle of the Lewis Library at Loyola. You would think at this hour, the library would be empty. But this was finals week and the library was near capacity. Bella and I had been here since 9:00pm and I was tired and cranky. I was too preoccupied and couldn't concentrate.

I looked across the table to see Bella trying to suppress a laugh. She had been sitting across from me for hours, drilling me with questions, quizzing me relentlessly and I honestly didn't see why she found this shit so funny.

"What's so goddamned funny?" I asked her tersely.

She shook her head and smiled.

"Just remember that implicit means implied while explicit means plainly stated. So, an implicit cost is something not reported and an explicit cost is something that is reported," she explained.

"Whatever," I said dismissively.

She sighed and closed the notebook that was in front of her.

"Maybe it's time to call it quits. You look like you could use some sleep," she said.

I rolled my eyes at her statement. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to sit there and tell me I looked like I needed sleep. This was the first time I had seen in her six weeks and she looked like death. She had lost so much weight that I felt as though I would break her when I hugged her outside my dorm room earlier this evening. She had deep, dark circles under her eyes. Her skin was much too pale and her hair lifeless and dull. I had sat there all night watching as her hands shook uncontrollably.

I had commented on her appearance when I first saw her only to have her threaten to leave. I couldn't concentrate on the course material because I was nauseous from worry for her. It also didn't help that some random fucking guy had dropped her off in front of the library. Some guy that also leaned over and fucking kissed her before she got out of his car.

Yeah, that one hurt.

"I've had it. Let's get out of here," I said as I began sliding my books and notebooks into my book bag.

I stood and began walking quickly towards the exit. I could hear her behind me nearly running to catch up. I pushed the door open forcefully and had made it down a few steps before she grabbed my arm yanking me backwards.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Edward?" she asked, her voice cracking with strain.

I glared at her for a moment then started laughing. She looked at me shocked.

"What's wrong with me, Bella?" I asked her loudly

"What's wrong is I haven't seen you in six goddamn weeks and you show up here looking like a fucking corpse. So instead of me telling you what's wrong with me, why don't you tell me what the fucks wrong with you!" I yelled at her.

I stared at her expectantly. I could see tears forming in her eyes. She blinked and they streamed down her face. All I wanted to do was to grab her and hold her tight and tell her I was sorry for yelling. But I held strong. I wanted answers.

Christ! I _deserved_ some fucking answers.

She sat down on the step wrapping her arms around her knees. I sighed and took a seat next to her. She just sat there and cried silently for a few minutes while I waited patiently for her to finally speak.

"I need some money, Edward," she finally confessed.

I sighed and dropped my head staring at the ground. I knew two days ago when she called me that she would be asking me this question. I had been watching her spiraling out of control for more than a year now. I foolishly thought that by following her to Chicago, I could make her life easier.

It didn't quite work out that way.

It was only after moving here that I found out just how bad her life had become since leaving Forks. The nice little waitressing job turned out to be a job dancing at a strip club on the south side of town. The cozy one bedroom apartment ended up being a filthy motel room infested with roaches.

I pleaded with her for two months to move in with me when she finally confessed her drug habit to me. I then begged her to let me help her. She spouted off some shit about not wanting to interfere with my studies, telling me that she was working on cleaning up and promised that once she was sober, she would then agree.

Of course it never happened. The more I pushed the more she pulled away.

So I eventually took my mom's advice and backed off. I had once again resigned myself to waiting on Bella. If she called, I answered. If she wanted to see me, I met her. I was willing to be in her life in whatever capacity she allowed - no more, no less. I let her call the shots hoping that one day she would get well and finally let me in.

"I wish I could be what you want me to be, Edward," she finally stated in a near whisper.

I lifted my head and glanced over at her. She was still crying silent tears. Her hands still shaking.

"Bella, I don't expect you to be goddamn perfect. Honestly, all I want is to have my best friend back. The other shit we can deal with along the way," I said softly reaching over and grabbing her hand in mine.

The corners of her mouth turned up in a lifeless smile and she shook her head slightly.

"Do you know what I see when I close my eyes, Edward?" she asked me and turned her head to meet my stare. She looked into my eyes for a few seconds before turning away. She closed her eyes and began speaking again.

"When I close my eyes I see the meadow. I see us laying there in the middle of the field, on our sides, facing each other. The sun is shining down and I can feel the warmth. I am laying there staring into your eyes and they are reflecting back to me all these powerful emotions. You are looking at me with love, longing, compassion, all of it. You have always looked at me like that, since we first met. It was always so overwhelming for me. It's like you hold me up on some kind of damn pedestal," she explains.

"Bella, I..."I began. She interrupted me.

"Let me finish, Edward. You say that you have never expected me to be perfect but you have. You have expected me to be perfect for _you_ but I'm far from it. I know that every decision, every choice you have ever made has been because of your need to protect me and to always be there for me. You think I don't know that you have been building your life around me all these years? And I tried to accept it, I tried to be what I knew you wanted me to be, to be that person that deserved to have you look at them the way you did me."

"My greatest fear in life isn't dying, it isn't my father. My greatest fear has always been falling off that pedestal, to be less than what you expected me to be. I have been terrified all my life that one day I would look into your eyes and all those emotions would be gone. Well, my greatest fear came true tonight. When I looked into your eyes all I saw was pity and disgust. And my heart broke. "

As I sat there trying to absorb all she was saying, a car horn blared and interrupted us. I looked over to see her ride had pulled up on the street running in front of the stairs where we sat. The guy was sitting in the driver's seat smoking a cigarette, glaring at the two of us.

"So what's his name?" I asked nodding towards the vehicle.

"Does it even matter anymore, Edward?" she retorted.

I looked over at her to see fresh tears welling in her eyes. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my wallet, removing all the bills I had, and handing them to her.

"Thank you but I can't take it now. I'm sorry I wasted your time," she said placing the money back in my hand. She stood to leave.

I stood up to protest her rejecting the money. I reached out and grabbed her upper arm as she started forward. She turned to face me but didn't make eye contact.

"I think we shouldn't see each other anymore," she spoke softly.

My hand fell from her arm to hang limply by my side. My world started to go black, my entire body felt numb. She turned from me and started quickly down the steps, never looking back.

I collapsed back down to the step, my legs unable to hold me up anymore. I couldn't form a coherent thought, I couldn't form any words. She reached the side walk and sprinted across the street, never looking back.

I wanted to call out to her, to stop her. But I couldn't breathe, my chest constricted, my throat closed up. My heart and head pounded. She opened the car door, disappeared inside, never looking back.

I slumped over and leaned against the bars of the handrails and cried as the car drove away.


	9. Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

Chapter 8 –My 24rd Year

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

* * *

I sat in my leather desk chair behind the mahogany desk staring out the office window, watching as the workmen in their white coveralls positioned the sign in the reception area.

E.M. Cullen Investments, Inc.

I had graduated from Loyola a year ago and had worked in the finance business for just a short time before taking my grandfather's inheritance and venturing out on my own. Starting my own company. Having already secured several clients before moving into the palatial office building that overlooked the Chicago waterfront. I should be proud of my accomplishments. But I wasn't.

I rotated in the chair to face the wall of plate glass windows and stared out over the Chicago skyline. It was what some would consider a beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly reflecting and bouncing off the buildings that laid outside. It had to be one of the best views of the city. I should be enjoying my success. But I wasn't.

I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling thinking about the new condo I had just purchased a few blocks from here. It was spacious and full of all the luxuries you would imagine. Fine furnishings, state of the art entertainment, three bedrooms, three and half baths. The realtor had described it as the best money could buy. I should be happy with my life. But I wasn't.

I had everything but her.

It had been 3 years since I stood on those steps in front of the library and watched as Bella walked away from me once again. I watched as the woman that I had loved my entire life ran off while I did nothing. The truth of the matter is I had accomplished nothing, I wasn't successful, and I wasn't happy. The only thing in this life that ever mattered was Bella and I had failed her in every way.

I heard a light tap on the door of my office and turned around.

"Sorry to disturb you Mr. Cullen, but your mother is holding on line 2," Rose stated as she stood in the doorway.

I nodded my acknowledgement and she smiled and turned to walk away. I followed her with my eyes as she crossed the reception area and stopped to address the workmen apparently commenting on the sign. They smiled and nodded at whatever she had said and she turned to walk away. I watched with humor as they strained their necks to check out her ass as she proceeded down the hall.

I chuckled to myself.

I had recently hired Rose as my assistant. She was extremely smart and efficient. She was by far the best assistant I had ever worked with. It didn't escape my notice either that she managed to turn the head of every man who came in contact with her. To say she was beautiful was definitely an understatement. She could have had all the men in this city groveling at her feet if she chose to but she appeared to only be interested in her career. She had no relationship outside of work. I know because I had asked her once out of curiosity. She just laughed it off and jokingly stated that I was all she could handle in her life right now.

I picked up the phone receiver and pressed line 2.

"And how is my beautiful mother doing today?" I spoke into the phone with a doting tone.

"Well, I think I should call you more often if I'm to be greeted like that," she replied.

I chuckled.

"Are you busy, Edward? I need to talk to you about something," she said seriously.

"Are you okay, mom?" I asked her, suddenly concerned.

"I'm fine, dear. I just…well I'm not really sure…I mean I just thought you needed to know…" she started stumbling over her words.

I was definitely concerned now. My mother never beat around the bush. If she had something to say to you, she came out and said it. Always direct and to the point.

"Just spit it out, mom," I told her.

"Charles Swan is dead," she simply stated.

I sat there silently trying to process what she had just said to me.

Bella's father was dead. Something I had wished for all of my life. Something I had laid in bed and prayed to God for every night as a small child.

"Edward, are you okay?" my mom asked me, breaking the silence.

"Umm, yeah. I'm fine. Thanks for letting me know," I said flatly.

"Listen, people have been trying to track down Bella to let her know. She's the only next-of-kin. They were wondering if maybe you had heard from her." She explained.

I ran my fingers through my hair. A lump formed in my throat.

"I haven't seen or heard from her in three years, mom," I choked out.

"I don't even fucking know if she's alive," I added, barely above a whisper as the tears threatened to push to the surface.

"I understand, sweetheart. I'll let them know," she said.

"Thanks, mom. I'll call you later okay," I told her and hung up the phone before she could say anything else.

I picked up the phone and hit a button. Rose's voice came on the other line. I proceed to instruct her to cancel my appointments for the afternoon, telling her I had some personal business to take care of. I left the building and headed home.

That night I laid in bed for hours thinking about the fact that Charles Swan was dead. More importantly I laid there thinking about how happy I was in that fact.

Bella was finally free.

I wished more than anything that I knew where she was, what she was doing. I wanted her to know that her nightmare was over. I wanted her to know that he no longer held any power over her life.

I had finally begun to drift off to sleep sometime around 1:00am when the phone rang startling me awake. I grabbed the receiver.

"Hello," I answered.

No one replied. It was almost completely silent on the other end, aside from the light breathing I heard. I said hello a couple more times and then lost my patience and informed the caller that prank calls were against the law and I would *69 their ass if they called me again.

I sat there waiting for a response when all of a sudden a tingle ran down my spine.

"Bella?" I asked softly.

There was no response. But I knew it was her, I _felt_ it was her. I couldn't put into words how I knew, but I just knew.

I just started talking and didn't stop. I told her that her father had died. I told her she was finally free. I told her how much I missed her. I told her the insignificant details of my life. I told her all she needed to do was ask and everything I had was hers. I told her that I needed her. I told her to never give up hoping for something better. I told her every thought and word that came to my mind. I told her everything except that I loved her.

I glanced over at the clock to see that it was 2:15am. I had been talking nonstop for more than an hour. She never made a sound, never given any indication that it was her on the other side of the line. I realized that I may have just been babbling like a mad man to a complete stranger. But I just couldn't shake the feeling that it was her and I just wanted her to know that I was here, waiting on her.

"Bella, I will never give up on you," I concluded and hung up the phone.

* * *

Chapter Notes:

There are only 4 more chapters to come and the Epilogue. Like I said, this is more of a short story. Once I wrap this one up, then all my time can be spent on Things We Do, I promise I haven't forgotten about that one, I just had a very strong urge to get this little story out and I couldn't concentrate on Things We Do until this one was completed. Reviews are awesome!


	10. A Rose By Any Other Name

Chapter 9 – My 25th Year

A Rose By Any Other Name

* * *

I was lying in bed tossing and turning, restless, trying to shut my mind off so I could get some sleep when the doorbell rang out through the quiet house. I looked over at the clock on the bedside table and saw that it was just after 11:00pm. I slowly pulled the covers off me and gingerly swung my legs over the side of the bed. I quietly crept across the room and closed the door carefully behind me.

I quickly walked down the hall towards the foyer hoping to answer it before the bell rang again. I opened the front door to find two uniformed officers standing on the other side.

My heart sank at the sight of them. This had been the moment I had dreaded all my life. I knew before they even spoke that they were here to tell me that she was dead. And with that I knew my life would be over as well. I took a deep breath.

"Can I help you officers," I asked.

"We're sorry to bother you so late, Mr. Cullen but we were hoping you could help us," the shorter officer began to explain.

I stepped aside and motioned them to come inside. My heart was pounding and my breathing was erratic. I felt the beginnings of a panic attack.

"Thank you, sir," they mumbled as the crossed the threshold of my home.

"Do you know a Ms. Bella Swan?" they asked.

I fought back the urge to vomit at the mention of her name.

"Yes," I managed to force out.

"Ms. Swan has had a bit of an accident and we need to contact her next of kin. Your name was on her person when she was brought into the hospital and we hoped you could help us locate them," they explained.

I knew they would never being standing in my home if she had been able to speak. If she were alive, she would have told them herself that there was no next of kin. I braced myself for what was coming next.

"I am her only family," I said to them.

They glanced back and forth at one another. The shorter officer nodded to the other. I felt my knees begin to give out on me and I leaned against the wall.

"Is she okay?" I asked absently. I already knew. She was gone.

"Yes, she is fine. Right now she is unconscious and unable to talk to us but the doctors have assured us that she will make a full recovery," one of the officers explained.

I felt myself begin to fall as one of the officers stepped out to grab me.

"Mr. Cullen, are you alright?" one of them asked loudly. I felt someone trying to hold me up.

I felt myself being pulled through my house. I eventually came to rest on the couch.

"Mr. Cullen, did you hear us? We said Ms. Swan is okay. She's fine," I heard a voice tell me.

My heart started slowing and my breathing began to return to normal. I vaguely registered asking them to give me a moment.

I placed my head down between my knees trying to calm myself, trying to regain my composure.

I finally lifted my head to see both officers string down at me with confused looks on their faces.

"What happened to her?" I finally asked.

They begin explaining that an unknown person had dropped her off at the hospital. Whoever had dropped her off had left her lying on a bench outside the doors of the emergency room. She had apparently overdosed on narcotics. They let me know that she was unconscious but stable. By the time they finished the story, I had calmed down.

"Is she in any kind of trouble?" I asked them.

"No, Mr. Cullen. She had no illegal narcotics in her possession and it's not against the law to overdose," they said to me sympathetically. "Under the circumstances, we thought she might want a family member there when she woke up. Someone who may be able to help her out."

I asked them a few more questions and thanked them before they left.

I made my way back to the bedroom and quietly opened the door. I tip toed to the closet and began removing pants and a shirt from hangers trying to make as little noise as possible. I left the closet and starting walking as quietly as possible towards the bathroom. That's when I heard her voice.

"Edward, who was that?" Rose asked.

I looked over at the bed where she laid. I walked over and sat on the edge of the bed and lowered my head and ran my hand through my hair. I finally looked up and met her expectant gaze.

"It was the police. Bella's in the hospital and I need to go make sure she's okay," I informed her.

She broke eye contact with me and lay back down on her pillow. She turned her back to me.

"Okay," she said quietly. I could hear the pain in her voice.

I reached over and put my hand on her shoulder. She didn't turn back around. I saw her hand rise to her face for a moment and knew she was wiping away tears.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" I said to her.

She just nodded silently. I stood up and continued on to the bathroom to get dressed.

As I drove towards the hospital, I thought about Rose. I knew I wasn't being fair to her. I knew that I was hurting her. We had been seeing each other for over a year. I knew she wanted some type of commitment from me but I couldn't commit to her because my heart belonged to someone else. I knew Rose wasn't stupid. She knew that with each late night phone call from Bella where my heart truly lied. When I looked towards my future I still saw Bella.

Eventually, I think Rose just resolved herself to taking what she could get from me. I knew what it was like to wait on someone you loved hoping one day they would return your affections. I should have let Rose go and not made her to suffer as I had been for so many years. I knew exactly what that type of existence was like. But being the bastard that I was, I willingly and selfishly took what she was willing to give me without giving her anything in return.

I pulled into the hospital parking lot and got out of the car. I made way through the hospital and soon found myself standing in Bella's hospital room looking down at her frail body. An endless procession of people came and went. They explained to me the treatments they had administered, explained to me what I could expect when she woke up, they handed me countless brochures for treatment facilities. I just nodded. A nurse eventually came in asking something about insurance. I gave her my information and told her I would take care of all the expenses. My eyes never left Bella the entire time.

The people finally stopped coming and I was left alone with Bella. I sat down in a hard chair, pulling it up close to Bella's hospital bed. I took her small hand in mine and held it tightly. I stroked her arm with my other hand and just continued sitting there silently.

Waiting.


	11. Confession Is Good For The Soul

Chapter 10 –Present Day

Confession is Good for the Soul

* * *

I find myself standing in front of Room 13. I reach my hand forward and bang on the door a few times. I stand there waiting for someone to answer. I can hear the music booming from inside, I can hear people talking and laughing.

Eventually the door opens. A guy wearing a leather jacket with no shirt, with thin blond hair that is pulled back in a ponytail, stands in the doorway.

"Who the fuck are you," he asks.

"I'm here to pick up Bella," I inform him.

He starts laughing loudly.

"James, let me out," Bella says as she comes up behind him and tries to push past him to leave.

"You're not going any fucking where until you pay me for the blow, you little bitch," he spats at her, shoving her back in the room forcefully enough that she loses her footing and falls backwards to the floor.

My mind goes blank. All I can feel is my rage bubbling to the surface. My hand instinctively reaches out and clutches him by the collar of his jacket. I pull him violent forward, out of the hotel room. I feel myself slamming him on to the pavement. I see his lips moving but hear no other noise apart from the pounding of my heart in my ears. I bring my fist down and make contact with his nose. I see the blood begin to pour from his face and I feel the crack of the bone.

But I can't stop. I continue connecting my fist with his face. I feel a sharp pain radiate from my knuckles up to my elbow. But I don't stop. Over and over, never relenting, each strike as forceful and the last, I continue punching him.

A scream from behind me finally breaks through my rage. I faintly register someone begging me to stop. I hear her pleading with me. I her Bella call my name.

I release James and turn around searching for her. She is standing with her hands covering her mouth, tears streaming down her cheeks, a look of horror in her eyes.

Another voice calls out to me and I turn towards it. I see someone from another room with a phone to their ear yelling that they are calling the police.

I look down one last time at James and see that his face is covered with blood, his nose broken, teeth strewn on the grown near his head.

I come back to my senses suddenly and head towards Bella, I grab her roughly by the arm and start dragging her across the parking lot to the car. When we reach the car, I open the passenger door.

"Get in," I instruct her in a quiet tone.

Bella just stands there staring at me with that same look of horror on her face.

"GET IN THE FUCKING CAR, BELLA" I yell at her. She relents and gets in and I slam the car door.

We drive down the interstate in complete silence. Neither of us speaking a single word. My right hand is on fire and I am finding it hard to grip the steering wheel. I flex my fingers and wince in pain. I suspect I have broken something. From the corner of my eye, I see Bella reaching for my hand. When she attempts to hold it I snatch it back from her. She brings her hand back to her side clutching her seat.

As we are rounding the street corner in front of my building she finally speaks.

"Edward, talk to me," she whispers.

But I refuse. I don't even look at her. I've spent my life waiting for her to speak. Now it's her turn to wait on me.

I pull into the parking garage, park the car, and get out. I sprint to her side of the car just as she is opening her door. I again grab her by the arm and pull her to her feet, dragging her to the elevator bank. I push the button and stand there gripping her arm. She doesn't fight me though; she doesn't try to break from my grip.

We make our way up the elevator and to my front door. I let go of Bella's arm finally. I dig the keys out of my pocket and struggle with my left hand trying to navigate the key into the lock. My right hand is throbbing and swelling already. I finally manage to open the door and walk into the condo. I hear Bella follow me inside and close the door.

I make my way to the kitchen and snatch the freezer door open. I grab an ice tray and take it over to the sink. I start banging the tray on the edge of the sink until the cubes release from their compartments. I can feel Bella standing behind me, I can feel her eyes on me.

I reach over to the drawer and pull out a towel and begin scooping ice into it. I wrap the ice in the towel tightly and apply it to my battered hand. I turn to look at her. Her eyes are still filled with fear and her body is trembling.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper as I slide down the front of the counter to the floor.

I start crying uncontrollably. Groans are escaping through the violent sobs. I hear Bella walking towards me. I see her drop to the floor in front of me and reach her hand out. I feel her fingers stroking my hair. I glance up and our eyes meet.

"I'm sorry too, Edward. For everything," she says.

I lean into Bella and bury my face in her neck and continue crying. She holds me, stroking my hair and rubbing my bare back. I kiss her neck. My sobs start to wane and I move my lips from her neck to her ear. My body is beginning to relax now and my breathing regulates. I move my lips from her ear down her jawline. My tears have stopped now. My mouth moves to hers and I press my lips roughly to hers.

I pull her body against mine and continue to kiss her mouth. I grab her waist and bring her to sit on my lap. I rub her back with my injured hand ignoring the pain. My other hand grabs the back of her head forcing her mouth to mine harder.

I keep waiting for her to struggle, to fight against this. I know she doesn't want this but I am too consumed with the feel of her lips, her body. My need to possess her in that moment controlled my actions. I feel as though I need to claim her as mine and mine alone. So I continue to kiss her roughly, forcing my tongue into her mouth. I prepare myself for the moment when she pushes me away, but she never does.

Bella moans into my mouth bringing her a hand to my chest and running it down to my stomach. She is clutching onto me tightly with the other hand.

I realize that she is not going to push me away, that she wants this as much as I do. I push her back onto the kitchen floor and hover over her. I begin kissing down her neck once more. Her hands are at the waist band of my pants pulling them down. I reach under her skirt and remove her underwear, pushing her skirt up over her hips. I return to kissing her mouth as I enter her roughly.

I push myself into her as deep as I can go. We are both panting and groaning as I rock in and out of her. I feel the tension building in my stomach and know my orgasm is near. I quicken my pace and finally release inside her.

I collapse on top of her and lay my head on her chest. She strokes the top of my head as I begin to cry.

"I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will," I say softly.

"I love you too, Edward. Always," she replies.

* * *

Chapter Notes:

We are almost to the end now-2 more chaps. My friend made a comment recently about how much she disliked Bella in this story which confused me. I always felt sympathetic towards her. One day when my other story is all wrapped up and done, maybe I will need to write "Second Chances" from Bella's point of view. No promises though as this angst has been a bitch to write. The words came easy and I didn't spend a ton of time on grammar, but it **seriously** affected my mood. I have never been a sad person but this story brought me down as I wrote it. I guess that may sound weird but it is what it is. Thus, why I needed to just get it out and get it finished.


	12. The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life

Chapter 11 – The First Day of the Rest of my Life

* * *

I wake up to the sun streaming in through the bedroom window. I blink my eyes a few times trying to adjust them to the light. I turn my head and look over to the other side of the bed expecting to see Bella laying there. But she's not. She's gone once again.

Tears start forming in my eyes at the realization that last night had changed nothing. I foolishly thought making love meant something to her. That me pouring out my heart and soul would make some kind of difference.

I bring my hand up to rub my face and nearly scream out loud from the pain.

The bathroom door flies open and Bella steps out into the room.

"Are you okay," she asks, worry apparent in her eyes.

I just nod. Stunned at the sight of her. She was here. She hadn't left.

I hold up my injured hand to her. I can't speak.

She crosses the room and comes to sit on my side of the bed. She is wearing my bath robe. She reaches out and gently takes my hand in hers and begins to examine it, biting her lower lip.

"I think we need to get you to a doctor and get it x-rayed," she says as she lays it gently back down on the bed. She looks up at me and smiles.

"Why are you looking at me like that," she asks.

I just smiled and grab her by the waist and pull her back onto the bed. I place my hands on either side of her face.

"You're still here," I say.

She smiles at me brightly and speaks, "I'm not going anywhere this time. I promise you, Edward."

I lean down and place a gentle kiss on her lips.

To say last night had been the single greatest moment of my life would be a monumental understatement. After the episode in the kitchen, we had retreated to the bedroom. We spent hours lying in bed; talking, confessing, apologizing, and making love in between. We discussed our future, we planned our next steps, and we each continuously told the other how much we loved them.

I stare into her eyes for a few minutes when I hear her stomach growl. She blushes and bites her bottom lip.

"I guess I need to feed you, huh?" I ask her with a chuckle.

"Yes you do, Cullen. I checked the kitchen though and you have nothing to eat in there." she says to me playfully.

"Bachelor remember," I tell her.

She smiles and leans her head up and kisses my nose.

"Not anymore," she says.

I laugh. I get up from the bed and walk over to the dresser.

"Mmmm, I could definitely get used to waking up seeing you naked every day," Bella says.

I glance back over the bed and see her stretching her arms above her head. I walk back over forgetting the clothes and crawl on top of her. I reach down and pull the tie of the robe causing the sides of the garment to fall open.

"Ditto," I say as I begin kissing her.

We make love again.

We finally crawl out of bed around 1:00pm.

"I'm going to head across the street to the deli and get us some sandwiches. Do you want anything special?" I ask her.

"No, whatever you're having is fine with me," she says and heads to the bathroom.

I hear the shower start up. I slip into a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and Nikes. I walk over to the dresser and glance in the mirror. I try to fix my hair with my fingers to avail. I let out a sigh, giving up. I walk through the house towards the foyer and grab my keys and head to the elevators.

I step out onto the curb and watch the cars going by in both directions until I am able to cross the street. I walk into the deli and stand in line waiting. I start bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet anxious to place my order.

I want to get back to Bella and start living the rest of my life.

I finally make my way to the counter and order two ham and turkeys. They hand me my order and I pay. I leave the deli and head back across the street.

I notice a flower vendor set up near the corner of my building. I walk over to her and look over the bouquets. I spot a bundle of blue, yellow, and white wildflowers and smile. I hand the florist the money and start walking towards the entrance of the building.

"Hey, Cullen," I hear her yell.

I glance up to the third story balcony just outside my bedroom window and see Bella standing there smiling down at me. She is still in my bath robe, her hair wet.

"So are those for me?" she yells down at me pointing to the flowers.

"Just bringing the meadow to you, love," I yelled back at her.

She laughs and shakes her head.

I stand there for a moment just smiling up at her and suddenly something in her face begins to change. Her smile fades and her eyes widen.

I feel someone tape on my shoulder and I turn towards them. I hear a loud bang followed by a piercing scream. I suddenly feel as though my stomach is on fire, like I am burning from the inside out. I grasp my stomach and fall to my knees. I look ahead and see someone running into the street. Black jacket and blond ponytail is all I register.

I fall on my back onto the sidewalk. I glance down and see the blood staining my shirt. The pain begins to numb as people begin crowing around me.

"Bella," I croak out.

I start coughing and sputtering blood. I hear her voice through the crowd. She is screaming for them to let her through. My body is growing cold. I start to black out. Hands reached down and grab my face. I feel the familiar tingle of that touch.

It was my Bella.

"Look at me, Edward," she screamed at me through her tears.

I fightt to focus my eyes, I struggle my way back to the surface. I need to see her face just one last time.

She was beside me, her hands pressing on my stomach. She was yelling at the people standing there to call 911.

She looked back to me.

"Don't you fucking leave me, Edward! Do you understand? You stay with me, you fight," she yells at me.

I reach my hand up and touch her cheek with my fingers.

"I've loved you my whole life, Bella Swan," I say

"Goddamn it, Edward! Don't you dare tell me goodbye. Do you hear me," she cries out.

I can no longer hold my focus. I look up to the sky and smile.

"You're gonna be okay, love. I'll be waiting for you," I say to her before I slip into the blackness.

* * *

I am walking up a path. There are ferns and thick vegetation lining both sides. The trees are forming a thick canopy above me. The foliage so thick it blocks out the sun light. The path is shrouded in darkness but I see a light up ahead and continue to make my way towards it. Finally I reach the light and step into it. I am in the meadow. Wildflowers are thick on the ground. It is warm and quiet. The air smells sweet and fragrant. I feel a sense of relief. There is no more sadness, no more hunger, no more pain. For the first time, all I feel is complete happiness. I am finally at peace. I sit down in the middle of the field and lay back in the lush carpet of grass and flowers. I close my eyes and smile.

I begin my long wait for her.


	13. Epilogue

Epilogue

* * *

"Bella," I hear Alice's voice yell out.

I glance over and see her standing in the entrance waving at me. She starts making her way through the crowd towards me.

She finally reaches me and plops down in the seat next to me.

"So tell me everything!" she gushes.

I giggle and respond, "Well, let's just say there were a lot of tears cried this morning and none of them belonged to him."

"Awww, Bella. Are you okay now?" she asks me.

"Yeah," I say with a loud sigh, "I guess it was inevitable that he'd be leaving me one day."

Alice slaps me lightly on the shoulder.

"Silly, Bella! It's just preschool for crying out loud," she exclaims.

I chuckle at her exclamation.

It was Masen's first day of preschool. I had been stressing out about it for weeks, driving Alice crazy with my neurotic behavior. When I took him to that classroom today I had cried. I had no idea that mothers went through separation anxiety. The teacher finally asked me to leave and I reluctantly walked out the school and headed to work.

"So where's Masen tonight?" she asks.

"He's with his grandmother of course. Enjoying being spoiled rotten, I'm sure," I tell Alice.

Esme had moved to Chicago not long after Masen was born. I was so thankful to have her in his life, in my life. She was of course a doting, loving grandmother. But she had also become the mother to me that I never had. We had helped each other heal.

"Don't look now but three rows down, second seat is checking you out," Alice whispers to me.

"Ummm, Alice, do you really think this is the place to be picking up men?" I ask her.

"If you haven't noticed, Bella, pickings in this town are getting slim and beggars can't be choosers," she informs me.

I just shake my head and smile. I chance a glance over to see who she is referring to and catch sight of messy bronze hair. My breath catches in my chest and my heart stops for a split second. He turns and smiles at me. I look away quickly.

Of course it's not him. He's gone.

The speaker announces into the microphone that we are about to begin and everyone rushes to take their seats.

The speaker begins talking to us, but I'm not paying attention. My thoughts are with Edward and that last perfect night we had spent in each other's arms. The night he rescued me from myself, the night little Masen was conceived. Almost five years later and I can still remember that night like it just happened. I could still fell his touch on my skin, I could still smell his scent in my nose, I could still taste his lips on mine, and I could still hear his tender voice echoing in my ears.

Some would hear our story and think it was a tragedy. They would accuse us of needless wasting so much time. They would be saddened by all our missed opportunities. But they would never understand. They would never see that we had to experience it all, the pain, the suffering, and the tears in order to appreciate the last moments we shared together. That beautiful, unforgettable experience that I will carry with me for the remainder of my life.

"Now I'd like to invite Ms. Bella Swan to the podium to speak to you tonight," the announcer says.

I stand from my chair and start down the aisle making my way to stage. I stand at the podium and begin to speak into the microphone.

"Hi, everyone," I begin.

"Hi, Bella," the crowd says in unison.

"My name is Bella Swan and I have been clean and sober for 4 years, 8 months, and 3 days. I owe my life and my sobriety to my best friend, the love of my life Edward Masen Cullen."

I closed my eyes listening to the applause from the audience.

_Thank you, Edward. Thank you for saving me,_ I thought to myself.

* * *

Chapter Notes:

This story was inspired by the beautiful characters that Stephenie Meyer created and owns, as well as one of my favorite verses by John Muir.

_**Let children**_ walk with Nature,

let them _**see**_ the beautiful blendings and communions of _**death and life**_,

their joyous inseparable unity,

_**as taught in **__**the**_ woods and _**meadows**_,

plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star,

_**and they will learn**_ that _**death **__**is**_ stingless indeed,

and is _**as beautiful as life**_.

~John Muir~


End file.
